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"A Joke For Females"

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail
with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome,
extremely sexy, middle-aged man entered. He was so striking
that the woman couldn't take her eyes off him. The
young-at-heart man noticed her overly attentive stare and
walked directly toward her. (As all men will.) Before she
could offer her apologies for staring so rudely, he leaned
over and whispered to her, "I'll do anything, absolutely
anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for
$50.00... on one condition." "Flabbergasted, the woman asked
what the condition was. The man replied, "You have to tell
me what you want me to do in just three words." The woman
considered his proposition for a moment, and then slowly
removed a $50 bill from her purse, which she pressed into
the man's hand along with her address. She looked deeply
into his eyes, and slowly and meaningfully said... "Clean my
house."

***
 

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"Old Folks"

An elderly couple entered a McDonalds and sat next to a
table where some young people were having dinner. The old
man walked over to the counter and placed his order. When
they called his number, he brought it over to the table. He
unwrapped the hamburger, cut it in half and put one half
next to his wife, then very carefully, he counted all the
fries and gave her half. He dipped two straws into the soda
and put it between himself and his wife. As the old woman
began to eat her half of the hamburger, people stared at
them compassionately. A young man approached them and
politely offered to buy them another portion of food. The
old woman replied that there was no problem, that they were
used to sharing everything. People realized that the old man
had not eaten, he only watched as his wife ate, and from
time to time, he drank a little soda. The young man
approached again and repeated his offer. This time it was
the old man who explained that no, they were used to sharing
everything. The young man then asked the old man, "Well,
what are you waiting for then?" "The teeth."
 

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How many of you remember the Reader's Digest. As a kid, one of my favorite articles was the "Laughter is the Best Medicine" section.

You never saw the articles below because the publishers had a moral standard they had to follow.

Things are a bit different today. On the other hand, laughter is probably the thing we need most, today. Enjoy!!
For Adults only -

Have you ever spoken and wished that you could have immediately taken the words back?

Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did...

FIRST TESTIMONY:


I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three
kids in tow and asked loudly,
'How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?'
I turned around and walked back out and never went back
My husband didn't say a word...he knew better.


SECOND TESTIMONY:


I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by
one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store.
He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said,
'I think I like playing with men's balls'


THIRD TESTIMONY:


My sister and I were at the mall and
passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts.
As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind
the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, '
No, I'm just looking at your nuts.'
My sister started to laugh hysterically.
The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
To this day, my sister has never let me forget.


FOURTH TESTIMONY:


While in line at the bank one afternoon,
my toddler decided to release
some pent-up energy and ran amok.
I was finally able to grab hold of
her after receiving looks of disgust
and annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she did not start behaving
'right now' she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said
in a voice just as threatening,
'If you don't let me go right now,
I will tell Grandma that I saw you
kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!'
The silence was deafening after this enlightening
exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.
I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked
out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were
screams of laughter.


FIFTH TESTIMONY:


Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training
and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell
for a quick lunch, in between errands It was very busy,
with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco,
I smelled something funny, so of
course I checked my
seven-month-old daughter, she was clean.
Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty
in a while. I asked him if he needed to go,
and he said 'No' .. I kept thinking
'Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and
I don't have any clothes with me.' Then I said,
'Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?'
'No,' he replied.
I just KNEW that he must have had an accident,
because the smell was getting worse.
Soooooo, I asked one more time, 'Danny did you have an accident?
This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants,
bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled
'SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!'
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing,
he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.
An old couple made me feel better, thanking me for the
best laugh they'd ever had!


LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:


This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days
and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will,
in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens
when you predict snow but don't get any! We had a
female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed
to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman
and asked:

'So Bob, where's that 8 inches you
promised me last night?'
Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew
did too they were laughing so hard!
Pass it on to someone you know who needs a laugh and remember
we all say things we don't really mean,
so think before you speak!!!
 

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Excellent examples, and I do remember reading Laughter is the Best medicine from those books. Times have changed when you can get into more trouble at work for saying Merry Christmas, than [email protected] You.
 

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the older I get.the faster I was
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geno, my wife says thanks.
She had been dealing with covididiots all day.
When I showed her your post, she was laughing so hard tears were rolling down her cheeks.😂
Made her day.
 

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Font Number Screenshot Electric blue
 
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Smile Product Organ Human Social group
 
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"Old Couple"

An elderly man thought his wife was losing her hearing went
about 20' behind her and asked "Can you hear me sweetie?" No
reply. He move to 10' and asked again. No reply. He moved to
5'. Still, not a word. A few inches behind her ear, he asked
"Can you hear me now honey?" She said "For the fourth time,
yes."


"Little Johnny"

Little Johnny asked his Grandpa to croak like a frog. He did
it and asked why Johnny wanted to hear him croak. Little
Johnny said, "Mommy said that we'll be loaded when you
croak."
 

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I agree all the good you can do in the world and one goat can ruin it all for you, of course I am not speaking from experience I just wanna throw that right out there
 
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Shirt World Gesture Poster Publication
 
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This is me when my wife and I start watching a movie. Maybe it’s my Pint Glass Martini’s? Nah, it’s the chair.

Font Rectangle Brand Electric blue
 
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