XR1200 Owners Group banner
1901 - 1920 of 1940 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
861 Posts
Robot Lie Detector

a guy buys a lie detector robot and wants to use it at the dinner table with his family. He asked his son what movie he watched over his friends house? he said gone with the wind, the robot slaps his face, he said ok sorry, I watched porno. the dad said that I didn't even know there was such a word when I was your age! the robot slapped his face. the wife started laughing and said he's your son, the robot slapped her face.
 

·
Whistling Dixie!
Joined
·
8,068 Posts
LOL!

I got a good picture joke but I think posting it would get me BTFO by the mods. :)

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G870A using Tapatalk
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
367 Posts
Housey


That is right ...... umm ....... interesting . Got quite the chuckle .

Especially since you seem to be excessively optimistic .



George
 

·
Whistling Dixie!
Joined
·
8,068 Posts
Housey


That is right ...... umm ....... interesting . Got quite the chuckle .

Especially since you seem to be excessively optimistic .



George
That is MY Corona virus suit!
l think the legs are a bit short...

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G870A using Tapatalk
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
765 Posts
A woman goes to her doctor's office to discuss a strange development.
She has discovered a green spot on the inside of each thigh.
They won't wash off, they won't scrape off, and they seem to be getting worse.
The doctor assures her he'll get to the bottom of the problem and tells her not to worry until he gets the tests back.
A few days later the woman's phone rings. Much to her relief, it's the doctor.
She immediately begs to know what's causing the spots.
The doctor says, "You're perfectly healthy there's no problem, but I'm wondering, was your boyfriend that Harley guy in the waiting room?"
The woman stammers, "Why yes, but how did you know?"
"Tell him his earrings aren't real gold."
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
367 Posts
Housey ,

I read that , looked up and was wondering if I should tell it to my 22 yo son .

Then I decided it prob was not a good idea , since his gf was sitting next to him ! :whistling:



George
- they are living w/ me , because of this C19 virus , until they start back up at UGA in Aug . It's been mostly good .
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
765 Posts
Housey ,

I read that , looked up and was wondering if I should tell it to my 22 yo son .

Then I decided it prob was not a good idea , since his gf was sitting next to him ! :whistling:



George
- they are living w/ me , because of this C19 virus , until they start back up at UGA in Aug . It's been mostly good .
Perhaps you should have discretely dropped in something about a green spots developing on peoples thighs and watched her response ;)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
861 Posts
"Customs Check"

An attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the
Priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?" "Of course
child. What may I do for you?" "Well, I bought my mother an
expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is unopened but
well over the customs limits and I'm afraid they'll
confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through
Customs for me? Hide it under your robes perhaps?" "I would
love to help you, dear, but I must warn you, I will not
lie." "With your honest face, Father, no one will question
you," she replied.

When they got to Customs, she let the
priest go first.
The official asked, "Father, do you have
anything to declare?
" "From the top of my head down to my
waist I have nothing to declare."
The official thought this
answer strange, so asked,
"And what do you have to declare
from your waist to the floor?"
Father replied, "I have a
marvelous instrument designed to be used on a
woman, which
is, to date, unused."
Roaring with laughter, the official
said, "Go ahead, Father. Next please!"
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
91 Posts
Trump dies from the virus. He goes to Hell where the Devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do," says the Devil. "You're on my list but I have no room for you. But you definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three people here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."
Trump thought that sounded pretty good so he agreed.

The devil opened the first room. In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in, swimming to the bottom and then resurfacing, over and over and over, such was his fate in Hell.
"No!" said Trump. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long."

The Devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.
"No! I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!" commented Trump.

The Devil opened a third door. In it, Trump saw Bill Clinton lying naked on the floor, with his arms staked over his head, and his legs staked in spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky... doing what she does best.

Trump looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this!”

And the devil said : Ok Monica you can go
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
861 Posts

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?”
The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm.
In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit.
After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.

” This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?”
The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also.
In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard.
In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable.
After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
861 Posts
Mother superior tells two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes.

One nun suggests to the other, "Hey, let's take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door." So they do this, and begin painting their room.

Soon they hear a knock at the door. They ask, "Who is it?" "Blind man!"

The nuns look at each other and one nun says, "He's blind, so he can't see. What could it hurt?" They let him in.

The blind man walks in and says, "Hey, nice tits. Where do you want me to hang the blinds?"
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
861 Posts
On Thanksgiving day, a little boy overhears his mom and dad fighting. He hears his mom call his dad a bastard and hears his dad call his mom a bitch.

He asks, "Mommy, what does bastard mean?" She answers, "Um, it means boy." Then he asks, "Daddy, what does bitch mean?" He says, "Uh, it means girl."

Later that day, the boy sees his father in the bathroom shaving; the dad accidentally cuts himself and says, "Sh*t." The son asks, "What does that mean?" The dad says, "It means shaving cream."

Then he sees his mom in the kitchen carving the turkey; she accidentally cuts herself and says, "F*ck." The son asks her what that word means and she says, "It means carving."

That evening, the family's guests arrive for Thanksgiving dinner. The son opens the door to welcome them and says, "Welcome bitches and bastards! My dad is in the bathroom rubbing sh*t on his face and my mom is in the kitchen f*cking the turkey."
 
1901 - 1920 of 1940 Posts
Top